I should preface this post with saying, it will probably be long and without pictures.
I should also say that I am pro-breastfeeding. I think it's the best thing a baby can eat, and if and when it's possible, babies benefit from it's nutritional value.
Also, it's about breastfeeding, so I'll be saying the word 'breast', just in case that makes any of you uneasy.
And... who am I kidding, I'll try and put a couple of pictures on. But it'll be at the end, so you'll have to, at the very least, scroll through my soapbox.
One more quick thought... this isn't really meant to single out anyone in particular. Even if you think I'm talking about you, I'm not. So, please don't take offense. Just take it with a grain of salt -just like with everything else you read.
My plan before baby number one was to breast feed. I probably wasn't planning on being someone who breastfed past the kids first birthday, but I also knew that I would get as much help as I might need to make it work. I knew my mom had had a difficult time nursing me and my sister and didn't even try with the boys. But, that was all I had heard, I never concerned myself with the details.
So... Hyrum came, I got help with latching in the hospital, but he was a little jaundice and his blood sugar dropped in the first 24 hours, so the nurses encouraged me to try a bottle. I was pretty nervous, I had heard about 'nipple confusion' and was so certain I would breastfeed 100%, that I didn't want to give him the bottle. Nurses and doctors (as well as a baby on the verge of being sick) can be persuasive, so I think Hyrum had one or two bottles in the hospital.
Then we were home, left to our own devices. I had a very unhappy baby for those first couple of weeks. He hardly slept, never seemed content after a feeding... which seemed to go on non-stop. It would take me almost 2 hours to feed him and then he'd be hungry again. So... we'd start again. That's what the books said... feed every two hours from the the beginning. It was miserable. Not to mention some serious pain that I was having.
So, we went back to the lactation specialist at the hospital right before Hyrum's one week appointment. She helped a TON. She helped with the latch, and let me know that it was okay to give my screaming child a bottle every now and then. I wouldn't 'ruin' him. Laugh if you like, but you have NO idea what that permission did to me. It was such a release. I felt great when we left her office.
Until we got to the doctors office. Hyrum wasn't gaining weight and after explaining our feeding woes my doctor was worried he wasn't getting enough food. I still was hopeful, explaining I had just come from the lactation specialist, armed with a new latch and we went and bought a breast pump. I was sure that the next week would go better. Our doctor said if he was able to gain
weight before our next visit, we should be fine.
The physical pain (blisters and cracking) started to go away with a better latch, but Hyrum was still taking forever to eat, and he wasn't sleeping any better. He never seemed happy or content, even though I would give him a bottle once or twice a day. At our 2 week check-up he hadn't gained hardly any weight, so we scheduled another appointment with the specialist. She weighed Hyrum before a feed, I fed him for at least 20 minutes, and we weighed him right after. She said he had taken 10 mL -if even that. I didn't seem to be producing enough milk. I wasn't surprised, when I pumped I would have to get the milk out with an medicine dropper and let it fall into his mouth -there was so little of it.
At any rate, I started a prescription to help me produce milk (one that wasn't covered by insurance) and started about 3 different herbal supplements as well. I continued to pump and breastfeed and supplement. Hyrum finally started gaining weight after 3 weeks, and I was able to nurse him for about 4 and a half months. One day there was just nothing there. It wasn't painful or difficult on my part to wean him... one day there was milk (even if it was a little bit) and one day there wasn't.
So... this time, I didn't have any preconceived notions that nursing would be easy for me. I still wanted to nurse my baby, so I had the prescription waiting for me after I delivered Kate, planned on pumping and taking the supplements, but also knew I'd probably have to supplement. After talking to my mom, her mom, and my dad's mom, I found out that none of them were able to breast feed completely, they all had to supplement, or had to use formula completely.
I was hopeful that I'd have a better time, which I have. First of all, emotionally, it has been a TON easier. There was very little guilt about not nursing, or giving Kate a bottle. I didn't have to in the hospital, despite being VERY jaundice -she latched on like a champ and had plenty of dirty diapers. I did start supplementing a week or so afterwards -about the time that I started becoming cracked and started bleeding. (Nothing is worse than painfully pumping, only to look down and seeing pink milk).
Thanks to cutbacks I suppose, I couldn't get in to see any lactation specialists from the hospitals (which didn't make any sense to me, because even before, we had to pay $35 just to see one after I was discharged), so I went to the Lactation Station and paid that lady to watch me nurse. I seemed to have the latch down... it just took a while and few home remedies to help get over the horrific pain that IS breastfeeding for me.
I pushed through, and that part is much better. I still get nauseous when I nurse (even my doctor can't explain that one to me -it doesn't matter if I'm hungry, just eaten, thirsty, or drinking water during the feeding, I still feel sick), but I nurse her almost every feeding. I have a lot more milk this time then I ever had with Hyrum, and I've managed to nearly fill my freezer with small 2 oz bottles of frozen milk. (It takes me a couple of pumping sessions to get a full 2 oz usually). I'm hoping to nurse Kate for at least 3 or 4 months, and then let her have at least one small bottle of breastmilk a day for another month or so.
Hyrum, about the same age as Kate. 2 months.
Kate. It's kind of a weird angle... but she's started smiling all the time now. 
If you're still reading this, I'm a little surprised, I didn't mean to go through my whole history to make this next point -which was the purpose of the post.
If you're one of those lucky people that breastfeeding comes easily or naturally, that is wonderful -I'm happy for you and all of your babies. If you have a hard time, push through the frustrations and pain, and STILL nurse your children, then even more kudos to you.
But, please be aware of those of us that can't or try everything within our power to solely breastfeed, and still have to give our kids bottles. I love that you LOVE nursing, and think we should accept nursing mothers in every area of public places (I'm not going to get into that issue here). I appreciate every point and opinion you make about the wonders of breastfeeding and how it should be encouraged, supported, and recommended to every new mother. In fact, I agree with you.
Most days I feel completely satisfied with my efforts and the choices that I've made for my children. I don't think you mean offense when you say certain things to mothers -either in person or otherwise, that currently aren't nursing. When you see mothers feeding their babies a bottle, take a moment before you cast judgement and imagine all of the millions of reasons why. You're right, maybe that mother just didn't want to breastfeed. Maybe she was uncomfortable at the thought of it, and never gave it a shot. (Which should ALSO be accepted in our society).
But, it's more likely that that mother has tried or is currently trying to nurse. I can't even list all of the possible reasons why that mother is using a bottle, she could have had a 'NICU baby' and wasn't able to nurse for weeks or even months and didn't get the chance to built up a milk supply. Maybe she adopted that child, or tried for weeks, and for whatever reason, couldn't continue. She could have a baby that can't physically latch on, severed milk ducts from surgeries, a need for medication that shouldn't be passed on through breastmilk.
On behalf of all women who choose or feel like the choice was made for them, to use formula and bottles, please be aware that some of the things that you can say might be hurtful. New mom's have a delicate enough emotional state, and we honestly don't need anything else to make us feel guilty about. Everyone makes parenting choices that work for THEM, and maybe not for everyone else. Maybe you think I'm a bad mom for not breastfeeding, but maybe I think you yell at your kids too much. Or, maybe I let my son watch too much TV, but I don't agree with how you ignore your kids when they're wreaking havoc. (Again, I promise, I'm not talking about you, it's just general thoughts)
At any rate, my kids are healthy, I'm emotionally stable, and my house is still never clean enough. That one you can judge me on!
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