Until now.
Just for the record, I have never waited this long to tell anyone I was pregnant. Ever. I know I only have 2 children, but I've technically been pregnant five times now. I had either told people (mostly just coworkers the very first time) or had made plans to tell people (made a t-shirt for Hyrum to announce his upcoming sibling) by 7 weeks every time previous. I know... way too early. Something we learned the hard way in Hawaii.
Anyway... I actually waited 2 days to tell Justin this time. I waited another 3 or 4 days to call my doctor. I sort of had a break down when 2 friends were over for dinner (either the day I told Justin -or the day before) and told them, but it was more about the fear/anxiety about a miscarriage, and much less about actually being pregnant.
So... other than Justin, my trainer at the gym, a couple of friends who happened to be around for a meltdown -and Kathy, I haven't told anyone. And, I'm almost 12 weeks along. That should change this next week, when we tell our families.
So... there's a lot of stuff that runs through my mind, and I don't have anyone to say it to. (Warning, they're mostly complaints).
-I'm sick and tired. I know I shouldn't be surprised, and in some ways I almost would say it isn't as bad this time, but when it get's bad (in the evenings) it sucks. Like right now. And especially last night.
-No acne. Well, not much. This is HUGE. With Hyrum my face exploded and stayed horrible during the whole pregnancy. Until I delivered. Then it got worse. It didn't clear up until I had to stop nursing and could finally get on something that cleared it up. Who knew the first time I'd visit a dermatologist I'd be in my late 20's.
-Can't breathe. This is pretty much par for the course as well. My sinuses swell up I think from the moment of conception until the baby arrives.
- I can smell you. Yes, you. Even if it's a good smell, I can still smell you and it's offensive. Sorry. The other night we went to the movies. I kid you not, I smelled every single person as they walked up the aisle. And the smokers that sat down on our row? I could smell them the entire time. Ugh... I can't believe how sensitive I am to smells right now.
-I need a pinterest feed that does not include food right now. I haven't cooked raw meat since becoming pregnant, not sure what that's about. And about 90 percent of the time I can't stand to look at food. So... I haven't been on pinterest much. I wouldn't mind the funny quotes and craft projects I won't ever actually attempt, but the food is too much for me.
-Heartburn? I've got it. I hardly had it at all with Kate, had it big time with Hyrum, but just for the last couple of months. Heartburn already? This could get interesting.
-Crazy, vivid and memorable dreams. It was the same with both previous pregnancies. I'm talking really weird ones and I usually remember every little detail for at least the entire next day. The other night I had one with Matt Damon in it. Usually I'm not that lucky though.
-I miss drugs. Not hard drugs, or even all-that-great drugs, mostly just ibuprofen. Maybe some sudafed for when I had a cold a couple of weeks ago. All of you that can take an Advil, take an extra one (or two) for me. And my mom. She's not allowed those kind of drugs either now. Stupid kidneys.
-I have to pee. All the time. I know this one only get's worse. And, it's funny since I feel like I really, really, really have to go. And... well, there's not much there when I do. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't have felt that way. Pregnancy has a funny way of preparing you for loss of sleep. I can't make it all night anymore, and in another 3 or 4 months, I will most likely have to go at least twice.
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