Sabotage

When I was pregnant with the Little Man there were a few things that I couldn't/didn't eat that I was DYING to have as soon as he was born.



One was a giant diet coke. With the good ice. Mmmm.... just thinking about it made (makes) my mouth water. In fact, I had a friend of mine promise that she would bring me that Diet Coke when she came to see me and the baby in the hospital.



She brought be two cans of diet coke.



And I didn't drink either of them. I'm not sure why. I think part of it was that I didn't want to hurt my chances with breastfeeding (genetics did that enough for me). But, I think when you go so long without something -even if you want it, you're afraid to have it again. Or, maybe that it won't taste as good as you think it will.



I eventually had a diet coke. I have one every couple of months or so, and it's always delicious.



(This is going to seem off-topic, but just stay with me)



Back in my other life (when I worked) we used to notice a strange phenomenon when working with the kids we worked with.



Many times when something was going to change -even it was for the good, they would do something to sabotage it. If they were finally getting out of custody -something the claimed had been their one and only wish in life - they'd mess it up and the judge wouldn't release them. If they were going to start having visits with family members -that they'd been hoping for forever- they'd mess it up and get put in some kind of lock down facility. If they were going to get their drivers license (something very few kids in foster care get) they'd get pulled over a week before driving illegally and blow their chance.



There are a million other scenarios on how that would all play out.



(Here's where it ties all together, okay?)



So... I'm about a pound away from losing 30 pounds on this diet. (The HCG diet, for those that have been wondering).



30 pounds in 40 days. Not bad.



It's been really, really hard. Somedays it's not so bad, but their have been times where it's been almost more than I can bear. 500 calories a day with now carbs or sugar (or most other items of food) can do that to you.



I didn't even realize until this afternoon that yesterday was supposed to be my last day taking the hormone. You stay on the 500 calorie diet 3 days after you stop taking the HCG. And then you're done. You're supposed to stay within 1000 calories and still no sugar and starch for another 3 weeks, but the actual diet is done.



I'm pretty nervous. This was weight that I really needed to lose. And I was able to do it pretty quickly. Now I'm scared that I'll gain half of it back in a month. (Or worse).



My friend who introduced me to the diet said she 'screwed up' the weekend before she was going to go off of the drops and so she stayed on it for an additional week. I think if I had realized how close I was to finishing I would have done the same.



I've spent almost 6 weeks literally dreaming of food. Every commercial that comes on TV, every restaurant that I pass on the street I want to stop and eat. I've been waiting for this day -a day when I can eat real food again, and I don't want to.

(Sorry there's no pictures, mom. Go and look at the Little Man's blog)

Much ado about nothing

I was wondering why I don't have anything to blog about these days.

It could be because I no longer work outside the home. Work seemed to provide me with an endless amount of funny or interesting stories -some of which I could actually share with the internet.

It might be because instead of 'work' I am home with the Little Man. All day. Everyday. And, since he has his own blog (to spare you all the minor and often insignificant details of his life) most of his milestones (which are many these days) are blogged about there.

Or, it might be, and I'm afraid this one is it, I lead a very boring life. I wake up the same time everyday, give or take 20 minutes. Not by my choice, mind you, it's whenever the Little Man decides it's time to get up. We have the same routine (bottle, breakfast cereal, walk) every morning except for Sunday's.

This week in particular has been quite boring, mostly because he has a new tooth coming in and is SUPER ornery and makes it very difficult to get out and go anywhere.

I guess there have been a few new developments in our lives.

-I got a new calling in church. Except it's the same calling. We just have a new Young Women's President.

-We bought an all-in-one printer/scanner/fax machine, and I can now print from my lap top. Well, in theory I can print. I haven't actually done it because Justin keeps it plugged into his own computer and not our shared media drive. It sounds nice though.

-I've now lost a little over 25lbs on my diet. I stop the (ridiculously) low calorie guidelines in about 10 days. I'm scared to death. This has been REALLY hard, and I don't want to gain it all back in the first 3 weeks.

-That's it. All I can come up with is 3 items of interest, and I think you will all agree, they weren't that interesting.

Well, here's a picture

Remembering

I was home the morning of September 11th. Sick.

I remember getting up that morning to an empty house, making myself a peanut butter and jam toast with a glass of milk. I turned on the Today Show just long enough to eat and take my pills. It took at least 2 or 3 minutes of staring at the TV to realize what I was watching. I changed the channel, and realized that whatever was going on was real, and it was pretty big. As I started focusing on what the TV was saying my dad walked in. He was on his way to work, I believe, and turned back around. We watched for quite some time before either of us said anything. My mom called home shortly afterwards from the hospital to ask if I was up and if I knew what had happened.

The next few days consisted of waking and sleeping on the couch, with the constant glare of the TV. Because I was on some pretty heavy-duty pain killers, any sleep that came to me was accompanied with strange and vivid nightmares.

I left for the Missionary Trainging Center 3 weeks later, on Oct 3rd. I remember anytime I was out of the house between the 11th and when I left, I saw flags. Our flag was everywhere. On every business, every home, cars passing by, and peoples apparel. I liked seeing the flag displayed so often.

The next thought I wanted to share happened 5 months later. Salt Lake City was hosting the Olympics. I was in my second area on my mission and our Mission President gave the missionaries permission to watch the opening ceremonies at a members home. I was sitting in the Siulua's home with my companion and the elders, and most of their large family. I was excited to see images of Utah and wondered if I would feel homesick -something I hadn't really felt up until that point.

What I did feel surprised me a little. It wasn't the images of the mountains and valleys and temple that caused emotion, it was the moment when public figures in our society brought out the dirty and tattered American Flag which had flown at Ground Zero. I explained to the other people in the room (none were Americans) that you never saw tattered and dirty flags. They would be taken down and destroyed and a new one hung its place before anyone would really see it. It was quite emotional and moving for me to see that flag.

The third and final thought... (I think I'm starting to ramble) was the feeling I had when I visited Manhattan a few years ago for the first time. It wasn't what I expected, but in some small way it was much more. I hated seeing the street peddlers trying to make a buck selling old photographs, and I wasn't really amused by the preachers warning of fire and brimstone. I was surprised at how much like a construction site it looked like. Because, that's what it is now.

But... I suppose it signifies rebuilding, healing, and moving forward. Which is what we have to do in our everyday lives when tragedy strikes.I was surprised at the personal sentiments displayed on the construction walls. Statements like, "I miss you dad" and "God Bless New York" seemed to express the loss and determination that the community and nation has to rebuild and move forward.

Worth it?

I'm tired.

My sister-in-law and I have wanted to spend a day cooking and freezing meals for a while now. She's about to have baby #2 and would like some easy go-to meals and I would just like to have some meals made for days I don't want to cook. (Most days).

I actually started last night, just putting a pork roast in the slow-cooker. Today we started around 8am. I think we browned about 12 pounds of hamburger/ground turkey. We cooked 6 pounds of chicken and put together some cheesy filled shells and made a couple of cheesy/ham potato casserole and a couple of soups.

After Shondel left I put together another chicken meal and made a couple of lasagne's.

I still need to do a couple of meat loafs.

But, I'm tired.

I think I have close to 35 dinners and probably a few lunches in my freezer.

So, the question is... is it worth it?

Hello Blog? It's me, Melanie

Man... I can't believe how little I seem to be blogging lately.
Here's a quick update:

This weekend was our annual girls weekend to Swiss Days/Park City/Outlet shopping. This year in addition to my mom, sister, sis-in-law Jessica and myself, my aunt Karen and Matt's girlfriend, Jen came along. It was a pretty fun weekend. Jenny brought 'the nakedness' and Jessica cried in her sleep over a dress she wanted (sort of). Jodi was asked a few 'tough' questions, and I starved (pretty normal for right now).

We went to the zoo today with the Little Man, and my parents and sister, Jodi. My dad was sure looking forward to the Little Man getting excited about all of the animals. Unfortunately, the zoo is still just a walk outside with kids to look at. We did get him to actually notice a few of the animals, but he was just as excited with the water features and tree's. Maybe next year!

Speaking of the Little Man. The kid learned to sit up, crawl, and pull himself up all in the same day. And, there's no looking back. He is in CONSTANT motion. Fun for me. He's getting a little more stable, so his head usually can go 5 or 6 hours now without coming into contact with something very hard, very fast.

I bought a new book today. The book itself isn't important. I bought the book because I was told to. In a summons. For jury duty. I can't even count how many hours I've wasted of my life sitting at that courthouse (for work), but I guess I'll be adding a few more. I tried REALLY hard to get out of it, but I didn't succeed. So, I'll be reading a book tomorrow until I get excused. I WILL get excused.

The diet? Still sucks. But, I've lost about 20 pounds in 3 weeks. I have 3 more weeks to go. I'm losing at a slower pace than at the beginning, but I still should lose quite a bit more in the next 20 days.

That's it. That's my life right now. It's no wonder I'm going so long between posts.