I've debated about talking about this on the blog, and 'putting it out there'... but I think it's time.
I'm thinking about (with Justin) making a change. Change is scary. Risk is scarier. I'm not sure if I've ever done something 'risky'.
I went away (an hour away, but that's still 'away') to school. Kind of scary, but not really a risk. It was for college, millions of 18 year olds do it, and I was still close enough to come home and do laundry and steal a gallon of milk on the weekends.
I went on an LDS mission. Kind of scary. I guess I was taking a risk in that I felt like that was what I was supposed to do at that point in my life, but I new I'd be safe, taken care of, and again, hundreds of thousands of other kids my age had done the same.
I moved to the 'big' city after graduating from college, without knowing I'd have a job. I suppose that was the riskiest thing I'd done. It was Salt Lake City, I knew I'd find a job, which I did. And then I found another one a week after that summer job ended.
Some might say getting married was a risk. I didn't feel that way. I knew this was the man I wanted to marry, and it was the right time. It wasn't scary.
This is scary and risky, and a little exciting.
I'm thinking about leaving my safe, secure, and 'towing the line' job with great health benefits, a pension (yeah right), and coworkers I've become so close with for something new. And not just anything new... for owning my own business.
Ahhhh... I said it. Even that was kind of tough. My husband owns 2 businesses and works for a global company (not to mention is the chairman of a nonprofit theatre) but he's like that. Not me. Until this last week.
I'm going to leave the name of the book store out of it for now, but it's a children's boutique book store that also sells a few toys. It's well established and in a good location. We've looked at the financials and Justin has met with the owner (I still wasn't sold on the idea and a little too intimidated to go to the first meeting).
I've thought about the idea of owning something a lot and there's definitely pro's and con's on both sides.
I love the ladies I work with. I like a lot of the kids I work with and the other professionals that I associate with. I like having my weekends and holidays off. I like being able to 'turn work off' at the end of the day or while on vacation. I like the flexibility that my job has. I work 40 hrs a week, but some days are longer than others and many appointments I schedule myself. Also... I'm going on 4 years of being a social worker, working for child and family services, and it's become part of my identity. It's weird to think about myself and who I feel like I am without that aspect of it.
On the other hand... sometimes I don't like my job. I don't like working with angry and demanding parents. Although I've done a good job at keeping good boundaries, things still come home with me sometimes. I've always left something undone, because I don't work at a job where things ever really finish, or are fixed. I can't do this job (or won't) when I have kids. I feel like I'm on the verge of being burnt out in this capacity. And... as far as my coworkers, in my mind I wouldn't be working at all after I start having kids and I wouldn't have that support and friendship in that way anyway.
Decisions, decisions. Can I leave this 'secure good job' and do something new with an element of risk. Am I willing to put as much into this new venture as it will need in the next little while? Is this the right time in our lives to be doing this???
If any of you have the answers to my worries... please, please enlighten me. Because (for once) I don't have the answers.
