Entrances and Exits

I'll be honest, I was fully intending on participating in NaBloPoMo this year. Even though this baby is due anytime this month, I still figured I could post once a day. I came really close to posting Saturday night about the fun day I had with two baby showers, and hopefully I'll get around to that soon. As you can see... I will not be very successful at nablopomo this year, so I'm not going to try, but I'll catch up in 2009.

All day Sunday I was thinking about how we enter this life, and how we leave it. It seems like at those moments, the purpose of our lives is for other people, not ourselves. I'm sure this little baby will work his or her hardest to be birthed/born/delivered, whatever you want to call it, but I'll be honest, I'm pretty sure I'm going to work a bit harder. I've spent 9 months now (yes, 40 weeks, is pretty much 10 months) working towards this child's entrance into this life. I've tried to eat well, exercise, educate myself, and prepare for all of the physical needs the baby has when he or she is born. And labor... well, Justin and I will be working pretty hard during that time too. The baby has been working hard too -growing and developing, but once got the ball rolling (ie conception) nature pretty much takes over and things just happen that way.

When our time comes to exit this life, I feel like, in many cases, it's the same way. This may not be the case when the death is sudden, unexpected, or very quick, but for those that grow old and live through their bodies slowly shutting down or not working as they were designed to, I think a lot of the reasons for staying around is often for the benefit of others.

My grandma (my mom's mom) has been through more than her share of trials in this life. She is a very strong women, and has raised her children and been the head of her family for over 40 years since her husband passed away. Her physical body has been deteriorating for years, and she's been living in pain, for who knows how long. I think she has also been given more than her share of 'near death' experiences or episodes with her health. The family has spent many nights and days in various hospitals planning out last requests and funeral arrangements, and yet she has hung on.

In fact, she was very close to leaving us 2 years ago, and although no one would have begrudged her for passing, she came through and was able to see 3 of her grandchildren marry in the temple, and her first great-grandson was born.

This morning at 5:20 she was blessed to have the desire of her heart fulfilled and she peacefully and quietly passed away while her daughter (my mom) was by her side. Last night my mom was planning on spending the night and staying awake so she could make sure my grandma got the extra shots of morphine to keep her out of pain every 15 minutes. We (her family) warned her against staying up all night, and that wouldn't be good for her (my mom), but I think we all knew that's just what would happen.

I was up around 2 this morning with heartburn for about a half an hour and I was thinking about how similar birth and death were. I fully expect I will spend many nights awake during the entire night with sick children, feeding newborns, or worrying about teenagers that haven't returned home yet. And that's just what I'll do, give up my sleep and needs for others, which my mom was more than willing to do for her mother last night. Before I tried laying down again, I said a prayer that my grandma would be able to leave this life. If there was something (or someone) she felt like she needed to stick around for, I hoped and prayed that she would be able to let it go.

Although she will be missed dearly, I believe that she is with her eternal companion, my grandpa, who she has missed every day for far too long. She is no longer tethered to a body that will not do her bidding and she was able to see our child (and know if it's a little 'he' or a little 'she') before any of us. I feel very blessed by the legacy that she has left us with and know that she'll continue to watch over her family as much as she can.